On s’étiiiiiiiire
Étire les -ements. Démonstration écrite : on ne dit pas « enseign’ment » mais bien « enseignEment »; on ne dit pas avertiss’ment, mais plutôt « avertissEment » Oui oui, c’est forçant pour nous Québécois. On dirait qu’on le dit mal. Mais non, les Belges réussissent très bien depuis des millénaires!!! Bon je sais, j’exagère.
Se faire avoir au mot
- Le Belge braille quand il chiale et chiale quand il braille. (Mais paraît-il que les Français font pareils. Maudit brailleur. Eh, chialeux, pardon!) Il faut donc faire attention de ne pas exagérer. Reste à trouver lequel est le moins pire des deux!
- Un jour, j’avais une envie folle de manger une bonne grosse salade. Alors je m’en vais gaiement au Delhaize me cueillir une bonne grosse salade (bon, je sais, chez nous on dit salade avant et salade après. Et après-après, ça s’appelle de la merde, ça c’est universel!). J’étais là devant un sublime étalage de verdure frigorifiée romaine, rouge et frisées, et tout ce que je réussissais à bien voir, c’était les prix : « quoi, 2,50 pour un motton de feuilles?!?! »
Je me mets alors à chercher pour la laitue offrant le meilleur rapport qualité prix. « Pas le paquet de trois pommes romaines, pas la rouge, pas la petite frisée… ah, wow celle-là est gigantesque! » Mais comme de fait, je ne peux pas vérifier le coût, car les étiquettes sont mal syncronisées. Au lieu de l’étiquette « salade économique génétiquement modifiée» auquelle je m’attendais, je trouvai plutôt l’écrit « endive » . « Monsieur, savez-vous m’indiquer le prix exact de ce massif amas d’eau en feuilles verte, s’il vous plaît? » « Ben c’est écrit : 1,49 » « Je sais, j’ai lu, mais regardez bien, il y a une erreur : c’est écrit « endive ».
« Mais non, c’est pas ça, une endive. Comment vous appelez ça (pointant les endives joliment emballées en groupes de 3 copines), d’abord? »
« Ben ça, c’est des chicons. »
« Mais… »
Je n’ai plus su quoi dire pour un moment. Puis des données se sont réorientées dans ma tête et mon cerveau a continué sa route en compagnie de sa nouvelle réalité : « Ça c’est un chicon. Oh, c’est beau un chicon. Je n’ai jamais mangé de chicon… je me demande ce que ça goûte, un chicon… la semaine prochaine, je vais acheter des chicons »
Et depuis ce jour, endives et chicons font partie de ma vie. J’aime cuisiner les chicons maintenant, surtout avec de la crème fraîche et des lardons, servis sur des pâtes aux oeufs. Pour ce qui est des endives, il paraît qu’il faut les faire cuire… Moi j’ai beaucoup aimé, servi en salade. Et c’est le meilleur rapport qualité prix!
Essuyer
Pour une raison que je m’explique difficilement encore, les Belges sont dotés d’un très grand vocabulaire, mais pour une certaine gamme d’outils quotidiennement utilisés, universels, ils ont tout simplifié pour un même mot passe-partout: l’essuie.
C’est ainsi que la serviette de plage devient une « grand essuie »; le linge à vaisselle, un « essuie »; la guenille, un « essuie ». Simple, non?
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